Is That Message Meant for You?

My oldest daughter was frustrated with how unkind her little sister was being towards her. “People’s actions and words say more about them and less about you,” I told her. Her sister was tired and upset at some perceived infraction. And no, she didn’t have any business being unkind but it happened. My oldest daughter could take the nastiness to heart or she could remember that her little sister’s words really had nothing to do with her. The great thing is that as a parent, I can teach both of my daughters in this moment. Rather than get sucked in, my older daughter walked away and found something else to do. I dealt with my younger daughter and life moved on.

It’s easy to look at this childhood dilemma and comment from our adult-sized perspective on how to handle it. However, how often does this happen to us as adults and we absorb that other person’s behavior as if it were our own? In coaching clients recently these situations have come up:

• A client did not uphold an agreement at pay the amount agreed upon
• Registrations for a class are low
• A comment is made about ‘how expensive’ a program is and that is unaffordable
• An entrepreneur worries about how she will be perceived by her community when she ‘puts herself out there'

Instead of allowing the others to have their logical consequences - :

• cessation of work and no more connections or referrals
• a missed experience for growth
• lost opportunity to invest in their growth
• community does not receive needed insights and collaboration

 - the entrepreneur is taking it upon herself to try and solve the other person’s problem and changing herself in the meantime. She is letting the other person come with in her boundary of acceptance. No learning occurs.  But it could have been different. 

What if this were the outcome instead?

• A letter of reminder of pay and an update of customer agreements to ensure that payment always happens first.
• A connection to an event coordinator or marketing expert to help connect with the right people for the event with a great process that is repeatable.
• A review of marketing to ensure that it is dialed in to the target audience.
• Connecting with her unique brilliance and a branding expert, the entrepreneur increases her confidence, shares her message and helps the community she lives in. 

Don’t get sucked into other people’s drama. It is not for you. As an entrepreneur, your business is you. It can be hard to separate what is coming at you from what you can control (I know! I have been there myself and need to remind myself of these words, too.) The lesson here is learning how to receive the message that IS meant for you and take actions that allow you feel more in line with yourself and your gifts.

How is this related to productivity? When you are doing the work you are meant to do, you will be your most productive. Many times these experiences are opportunities to create new systems, clarify your messaging, and show up in a more authentic way. What experience have you had that said more about someone else than you and how did you navigate it?

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